Tuesday of last week I experienced something for the first
time in almost eight years as a storekeeper. I went about my morning routine as
always, when I noticed one of the younger linemen walking towards me.
“Eric, I wanted to
apologize to you. I was a little short with you yesterday. I’ve been dealing
with something personal and I was kinda taking it out on you.”
After I got over my
initial shock, I realized I had no idea what he was referring to. It must have
not seemed that unusual to me or I would have noticed. Nevertheless, I assured
him that I knew the difference between an asshole and someone who was just
having a bad day and that he was not an asshole.
I thought about that
exchange all day. Like I said: In eight years, I have never had a lineman even
remotely hint at being wrong about anything. I had to ponder long and hard
about its significance (if there was any at all).
Later the same week,
social networks were active with opinions about the Steubenville High School football players who had been convicted of raping a girl at a party while she was passed
out. Perhaps you've heard about it? There was more said about the way the community reacted to it than anything else. I believe that is the real reason why it became so high profile. One article in particular was one my wife posted which you can read in its entirety here. I would like to emphasize some very important points the writer made:
If you are like me and have had to deal with a workplace bully, then you can most likely identify in some way with the points I listed above. Co-workers can see a problem, yet will do nothing to correct it. Should things get out of hand and human resources need to get involved, you can count on others who are interviewed to downplay the situation or dismiss it altogether. As in my case, the bully will have an opportunity to defend himself behind closed doors (I wasn't present) and some obscure verdict will be reached which implicates the victim as playing just as much of a role in the problem. And if you wait on a supervisor to be held accountable, forget it. Much like the coach who was still seen as a "hero", a supervisor will be dismissed because of some fuzzy list of good deeds even if it's at your expense. Again, this is a much broader cultural problem we are dealing with. It's not just one that we have created. It's one that we have allowed. And this is an overdue point in time where good people everywhere need to start standing up and saying enough is enough.
Unfortunately, raising awareness and equipping victims (of all kinds) isn't enough. There has to be a major culture change. According to F. Clark Power, this happens when the people who are not directly involved begin to take ownership of such situations. Whether it be bullying or rape or whatever. They affect us all. Don't believe me? What if you had to tell someone "I'm from Steubenville" right now? Regardless of your level of involvement, you're still going to get the stink eye. That whole town has suffered. And to think: How much could have been avoided if just one young person would have stood up to what was going on?
Since I blew the whistle on my bully, things around the office have changed. I'm certainly not the most liked person and I don't see that changing any time soon. I even wonder if the young lineman who came and apologized to me only did it out of fear. At first that bothered me. But the more I thought about it, the more I didn't mind. That would only indicate that he is making a clear identification that there could be consequences to his actions. I hate it that some peoples personalities are so out of control that they need to be chained down like a wild animal, but oh well. Whether I be called a pussy, baby, sissy, or whatever, I will sleep well knowing that a precedent has been set in motion. One that will change the culture of where I work.
- There were dozens of witnesses to this 16 year old girl being violated, yet no one tried to stop it.
- No one would even come forward with information about what happened.
- When parents were confronted, there were no consequences because the "boys said they did nothing wrong."
- The head coach joked about it and told the boys not to worry about it because he had taken care of it. He also kept his job. By the way: some observations about this coach which I find to be very important, I would like to list:
- Won three state titles
- Won his 300th game in front of a sellout crowd of over 10,000
- Has (or had) breakfast regularly with the sheriff
- His sister works in the county's juvenile court, where he is licensed as a mediator
- He "molds young boys into men"
- At one point a member of the coaching staff threatens a reporter
- The girl who was raped is the real problem.
If you are like me and have had to deal with a workplace bully, then you can most likely identify in some way with the points I listed above. Co-workers can see a problem, yet will do nothing to correct it. Should things get out of hand and human resources need to get involved, you can count on others who are interviewed to downplay the situation or dismiss it altogether. As in my case, the bully will have an opportunity to defend himself behind closed doors (I wasn't present) and some obscure verdict will be reached which implicates the victim as playing just as much of a role in the problem. And if you wait on a supervisor to be held accountable, forget it. Much like the coach who was still seen as a "hero", a supervisor will be dismissed because of some fuzzy list of good deeds even if it's at your expense. Again, this is a much broader cultural problem we are dealing with. It's not just one that we have created. It's one that we have allowed. And this is an overdue point in time where good people everywhere need to start standing up and saying enough is enough.
Unfortunately, raising awareness and equipping victims (of all kinds) isn't enough. There has to be a major culture change. According to F. Clark Power, this happens when the people who are not directly involved begin to take ownership of such situations. Whether it be bullying or rape or whatever. They affect us all. Don't believe me? What if you had to tell someone "I'm from Steubenville" right now? Regardless of your level of involvement, you're still going to get the stink eye. That whole town has suffered. And to think: How much could have been avoided if just one young person would have stood up to what was going on?
Since I blew the whistle on my bully, things around the office have changed. I'm certainly not the most liked person and I don't see that changing any time soon. I even wonder if the young lineman who came and apologized to me only did it out of fear. At first that bothered me. But the more I thought about it, the more I didn't mind. That would only indicate that he is making a clear identification that there could be consequences to his actions. I hate it that some peoples personalities are so out of control that they need to be chained down like a wild animal, but oh well. Whether I be called a pussy, baby, sissy, or whatever, I will sleep well knowing that a precedent has been set in motion. One that will change the culture of where I work.
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